Don’t Tell Me It’s May Already (Or That Those Pants Aren’t Going To Fit)!

I can’t believe it is May already, but I’m well aware the rapid slippage of time is another unwelcome artifact of advancing age.  During my first half-century, a month lasted for four weeks and change, and a week was an honest week that consisted of seven days, each of which lasted 24 hours.

Over the last 18 years, not quite two decades into my second half-century, time has gone by increasingly faster, at least seemingly so, and there are two examples that really stand out.  I know that refuse pick-up and the re-stocking of my seven day pill box are weekly occurrences, but it seems that I’m tending to those things every other day!

With time and life racing by like a bullet train, we reached up and pulled the emergency switch to at least slow it down temporarily for ten days or so.  The plan is to fly into New Orleans (I’ve never been there) for a few days, followed by a drive to the Florida Keys (never been there either) via Florida’s west coast.  I’m kind of a foodie and I’m looking forward to the food that will pass through me as we pass through various regions featuring everything from rich gumbo to conch fritters.

An hour ago it was mentioned to me that given the food and drink along the way, it should be no problem to gain two pounds each day.  By my calculations, that’s about 20 pounds for the trip and to be perfectly honest, I’d be a lot better off to lose rather than gain 20 pounds.

And that’s another thing!  In an earlier life, I could eat and drink all I wanted without gaining a gram.  At this stage of my life, I can gain several pounds by simply browsing through a cookbook.  As a freshman in college, I worked at Bill Gamble’s Menswear in Point Loma and for a time thought it worthwhile to have nice clothes.  I wore a 38 regular sportcoat, sportshirts with a 15 1/2 inch collar and 32 inch sleeve, pants with a 30 inch waist and 30 inch inseam – and all fit perfectly.  Compared to the garments I wear today, the same clothes look like children’s wear.

The only thing that has remained the same is my sleeve.  I no longer wear sport coats and the buttons would pop off before I could get a 15 1/2 inch collar around my neck.  As for the pants, I might be able to get one leg into a pair of 30-30’s, but that’s about it – and get this – my stubby legs have shrunk nearly an inch!

As for waist size, that remains a state secret other than to say that my girth has increased, giving me less than comforting synchronicity with a tree – an old and stubby tree.


Leave a Reply